The Good Life: Divorce & Remarriage According to Jesus (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:1-10)

Jason Plumer

First Baptist Church Litchfield

Matthew • Sermon • Submitted a year ago • Presented a year ago

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Divorce is an Unfortunate Reality in a Genesis 3 World

Regarding Western culture’s ease with divorce, someone once quipped,

Divorce is so common that some couples stay married just to be different. Anonymous The sad reality in Western culture is almost half of all marriages end in divorce, most occurring in the first five years. There are many reasons why we see so many marriages torn apart.

Four Sinful realities that press into marriages.

Humanity’s Self-centered Disposition

In Genesis 3, we see a clear picture of our self-centered nature. When God confronts Adam for breaking his command, Adam blames Eve in an attempt to avoid responsibility. Later, God tells Eve that she will always desire to usurp her husband's authority for her own selfish gain. From Genesis 3 onward, the marriages depicted in the Bible often struggle due to this self-centered disposition.

Man’s Inclination to Separate what God has joined together

In the Garden, separation is the first sign of sin. In Genesis 3, as soon as Adam and Eve sin against God, the first thing they do is cover themselves and hide in the bushes. They are ashamed of themselves and now fearful of God. When Adam blamed his wife for breaking God’s command, he did so with Genesis 2:17 in mind:

Genesis 2:17 ESV

17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”

Adam quickly separated himself from his wife to protect his own interests. Abraham did the same thing to Sarah. Isaac also did the same thing to Rachel, and this pattern continued for all of Adam's descendants. It seems that we tend to separate what God has joined together.

The Kingdom of Darkness

Ever since the fall of man, Satan has had some authority to spread wickedness. Recently, there have been attacks on marriage and family through ideas such as Cultural Marxism and the Sexual Revolution. We are living in a time where God's design of marriage and family is being torn apart and reconstructed in a way that aligns with Satan's influence. One of the ways Satan has been successful in our culture in breaking down marriage is by promoting secular humanism.

The Satanic Idea of Secular Humanism

The West is experiencing a decline in Christian morals and ethics, leading to the rise of secular humanism as a dominant force in our society. Secular humanism values human reason, logic, secular ethics, and philosophical naturalism while rejecting religious dogma, supernaturalism, and superstition as the basis of morality and decision-making. It holds the belief that there is no God, and that humanity is in control of its own destiny, governing itself through morals and ethics. In this worldview, commitment, contractual agreements, and cohabitation are viewed as equally valid as marriage vows. With cohabitation being widely accepted as a legitimate form of commitment in America, it is not surprising that divorce rates are high.

Sweden and Denmark are two examples of former Christian nations that have embraced secularism’s humanistic morality. In his book “Divorce and Remarriage: Biblical Principle and Pastoral Practice,” Andrew Cones notes that,

Sweden and Denmark, the countries with the highest rates of co-habitation [45% of allDanes and 44% of all Swedes in the 20–24 age group are co-habiting at any one time] are also those with the highest divorce rates. Andrew Cornes

He explains this statistic as follows: “Those who co-habit before marriage take the marriage bond less seriously than others and are more inclined to regard it as a conditional contract, easily entered into and easily broken.”

Henceforth, we come back to the beginning of humanity's self-centered disposition and man's inclination to separate. Our sinful condition makes us prone to divorce. It is not natural for us to keep our promises and commitments. Jesus knows this about us. During his time on earth, he would not entrust himself to the people because he knew what was inside of man (John 2:23-25). We are fickle in our commitments to God and each other, just as Israel was with theirs toward the Lord.

In Matthew 19, the Pharisees come to Jesus in order to trap him. They ask him,

Matthew 19:3 ESV

3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”

Jesus responds in verses 4-6 by referencing Genesis 2:23-24, saying,

Matthew 19:4–6 ESV

4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Jesus emphasized that divorce was not part of the original plan, stating, "What God has joined together, let no man separate." This statement leaves no room for divorce, and the Pharisees feel Jesus’ tension because upon hearing Jesus' words, the they turned to the Torah to justify divorce.

Matthew 19:7 ESV

7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”

The Pharisees referred to Deuteronomy 24:1-4

Deuteronomy 24:1–4 ESV

1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.”

The Book of Deuteronomy contains Moses' last sermon before Israel enters the Promised Land. In it, he outlines two ways that Israel can live: either by following God's way and receiving His blessings, or by rejecting God's way and receiving His curses. During this time in Israel's culture, divorce was sadly common. Men would divorce their wives, leaving the women vulnerable with no income or protection. These women had little chance of being remarried and were often taken advantage of by a dominant patriarchal society.

In Deuteronomy 24, Moses says a man can divorce his wife for indecency. Jewish and Christian theologians are unsure what Moses means by “indecency.” The word means “nakedness or naked things.” The same word is used in Deut 23:14, referring to ritually unclean things, specifically the disposal of human waste.

There were two different perspectives among Jews regarding indecency. The more liberal view, held by Rabbi Hillel, considered indecency to be any minor reason, from ritual impurity to burning the falafel. The Pharisees probably applied this understanding to the their interpretation of divorce.

The conservative view held by Rabbi Shammai interpreted indecency strictly as adultery or sexual immorality, which seems to be the view held by Jesus in Matthew 5:31-32. The only grounds he allows for divorce is sexual immorality. This view stresses the importance of not getting divorced in the first place. In Matthew 19:10, the disciples go so far as to say if this is the case, it is better not to marry.

With Moses, the man gave the woman a certificate so that she could remarry, in order to protect her well-being. She was not considered defiled simply for being divorced, which allowed her to marry another man without feeling guilty. The only situation in which she could become defiled is if she remarried her former husband after marrying someone else who either divorced her or died. If her former husband took her back after she had married another man, it would be like taking her back after she had committed adultery.

The Pharisees used this scripture as a prooftext to justify divorce. Notice however, how the Pharisees twist Moses’ language to say he commanded the man to divorce his wife Matthew 19:7,

Matthew 19:7 ESV

7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”

There was no such command given in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Jesus catches their manipulation and corrects it so he can interpret Deut 24:1-4 correctly. Jesus says

Matthew 19:8–9 CSB

8 He told them, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts, but it was not like that from the beginning. 9 I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.”

Jesus says Moses permitted divorce. He did not command it. Divorce was never part of God’s design for marriage. It was permitted because of the sinful heart of man, the kind of heart that has a selfish disposition and is inclined to separate.

The phrase “hardness of heart” denotes stubbornness, obstinance, a refusal to accept God’s teaching, or hostility to God’s revelation.

David Garland says,

“The hardness of heart referred to a lack of understanding with a calloused mind toward any spiritual truth as well as a scornful disobedience to God’s will.” David Garland

In the context of marriage, husbands who had a hard heart toward God acted cruelly toward their wives. We are very familiar with the verse that says God hates divorce found in Malachi 2:16. God says uses this strong language in the context of speaking to men who have been unfaithful to their wives. Listen to God’s rebuke,

Malachi 2:13–16 NLT

13 Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. 14 You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. 15 Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. 16 “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

Jesus’ teaching on divorce is clear and consistent with Moses in Deuteronomy 24. Divorce was never part of God’s plan for marriage. Moses permitted it because selfish and sinful men, who had calloused hearts toward God's truth and were scornful toward the Lord with disobedience, and acted with cruelty toward their wives. So, to protect the women who would be abandoned by their husbands, divorce was permitted but not to be sought willy-nilly. God hates divorce. He calls us to guard our hearts and remain loyal to our wives and for wives to remain loyal to their husbands. Don’t overwhelm each other with cruelty. Death should be the only thing that rightly breaks the marriage vow.

However, Jesus gives an exemption in Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:9.

Matthew 5:31–32 ESV

31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Mark and Luke pretty much repeat Jesus’s words

Mark 10:11–12 ESV

11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Luke 16:18 ESV

18 “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

In Mark and Luke's accounts, the exception clause in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9 is missing. This is likely because it was culturally assumed that infidelity was grounds for divorce. Romans, Greeks, and Jews all believed that divorce was acceptable in cases of infidelity. In Matthew's gospel, Jesus clarifies this issue, possibly because his primary audience was Jews, while Luke and Mark likely addressed primarily Gentiles.

The bigger question is: what is Jesus teaching us about divorce? It seems that he permits divorce only in cases of sexual immorality and with strict limitations. Are there any other valid reasons for divorce taught in the Bible?

4 VIEWS OF DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE

There are four prevailing views of how the church has interpreted Jesus and Paul on divorce and remarriage. Eric Geiger has done a terrific job of summing up these four predominant views. I will draw from his insights.

No Divorce and No Remarriage.

This perspective considers marriage as an unbreakable bond. Marriage is viewed as a covenant (or a sacrament) rather than just a contract. Advocates support this position with the Lord’s statement in Malachi 2:16, often translated as "For I hate divorce," and the belief that the marriage bond between husband and wife cannot be severed because humans should not separate what God has joined together (Mark 10:9). According to this stance, the marital covenant is lifelong and cannot be dissolved by any circumstance other than death (Malachi 2:10, 14). J. Carl Laney describes the biblical concept of 'cleaving' as being inseparably bound together by a commitment to a lifelong relationship, like being 'superglued' together. Therefore, divorce and remarriage are not allowed for any reason. Proponents of this view include the Roman Catholic Church, which considers divorce "indissoluble" for valid sacramental marriages andJohn Piper of Desiring God (whom I quote often).

What do those who hold to this view do with Jesus’ clear exception on sexual immorality? They would contend he is speaking to divorce during the betrothal stage.

There is a one-year period during the engagement when the relationship can legitimately break apart. For example, when Joseph found out Mary was with child, the Bible says, Matthew 1:19

Matthew 1:19 ESV

19 And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly.

Joseph assumed that Mary had been unfaithful. In Jewish culture, betrothal was taken very seriously, and breaking off the engagement was considered akin to divorce. Therefore, those who support this view argue that Jesus' exception clause only applies to the engagement period and not to the marriage covenant.

Divorce, But No Remarriage.

According to this perspective, divorce is sometimes unavoidable, but getting remarried while your ex-spouse is still alive is not allowed. The focus is on the serious nature of divorce. Because marriage is considered to be an unbreakable commitment, marrying someone else after a divorce is seen as adultery, as the moral obligation of the initial marriage still stands. Therefore, a legitimate divorce does not permit a legitimate remarriage. William A. Heth suggests that there are only two general biblical approaches to divorce: staying single or working on reconciling with your former spouse. These are the only options that can be confidently presented to Christians who are going through or have been through a divorce.

Divorce and Remarriage after Adultery or Abandonment.

According to this perspective, the Bible allows for remarriage. In the first century, divorce included the right and certificate to remarry on the grounds of sexual immorality (Matt. 5:31-32) as well as willful and irremediable desertion (1 Cor. 7:15). Paul clearly says to the Corinthians church in the context of marriage,

1 Corinthians 7:15 ESV

15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

While the Bible emphasizes the intention for marriage to be maintained, the positions that view marriage as a "sacrament" and "indissoluble" or consider remarriage in all cases immoral cannot be held dogmatically because "no verse in Scripture explicitly teaches that marriage is such." The act of adultery violates the marriage covenant and releases the victimized spouse from adhering to the commitment (1 Cor. 7:15b). Therefore, divorce and remarriage are allowed in cases of adultery and abandonment, as these are the two cases explicitly mentioned in Scripture.

Divorce and Remarriage under Several Circumstances.

This perspective is similar to the third one, but it includes additional circumstances that may be situational. For instance, if an unbeliever divorces and abandons a believer, the believer is free to remarry (1 Cor. 7:15; Matt. 18:15-17; 1 Tim. 5:8). Along with abandonment by an unbeliever, this perspective broadens the acceptable reasons for divorce and remarriage based on its interpretation of Paul's words in 1 Cor. 7:15: "in such cases". Supporters of this perspective understand Paul's words to imply additional situations where divorce may be justified, but only after every effort has been made to restore the marriage through pastoral support and wisdom. An example would be in cases of physical and verbal abuse. Divorce and remarriage are considered a "legitimate possibility not only in cases of desertion by an unbeliever but also in situations that similarly caused extensive and severe harm to the marriage." However, it's important to note that this perspective does not endorse divorce and remarriage for just any reason.

When we combine the teaching of Jesus with the writings of Paul, I am pretty confident on two legitimate grounds for divorce and by extension, remarriage. Again, I find Eric Geiger helpful in thinking this through.

Adultery, Sexual Immorality.

Matthew 19:3-11, Matthew 5:31-32, and Luke 16:18 all affirm God’s original plan for marriage, as described in Genesis 1-2. Jesus emphasized that marriage is the union of one man and one woman, but acknowledged that divorce and remarriage are permissible in cases of "sexual immorality" (Matt. 19:3-9). As we have seen, the Pharisees asked Jesus to weigh in on a long-standing debate between the rabbinic traditions of Hillel and Shammai concerning the interpretation of Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Both groups condemned adultery as destructive to marriage, but the Hillelites permitted divorce for a wide range of reasons, while the Shammaites were more stringent.

Jesus rejected both viewpoints, stressing the importance of reconciliation over separation. He pointed out that Moses allowed divorce as a concession due to human "hardness of heart," but emphasized God’s original intent for marriage. Jesus raised the standard by emphasizing the importance of God’s law and the need for grace in addressing sin. While emphasizing the significance of marriage, Jesus acknowledged that divorce for "sexual immorality" is permissible, though not encouraged. He also taught that even in cases of infidelity, reconciliation is possible through confession, repentance, and counseling. Additionally, Jesus clarified that those who divorce on the grounds of sexual immorality are not sinning by remarrying.

Abandonment

The Apostle Paul states in 1 Corinthians 7:15 that abandonment by a non-believer is grounds for divorce. However, he encourages believers not to abandon their unbelieving spouse and to seek reconciliation and peace whenever possible. A Christian spouse is not free to end the marriage simply because the other spouse rejects the gospel. This example specifies the situation when one spouse abandons the other. Desertion has the same harmful effect on a spouse regardless of whether the abandoning person is a believer or not. During Paul's time, "desertion was the recognized Greco-Roman method of divorce." Paul's deliberate use of the plural expression "in such cases" in 1 Corinthians 7:15 refers "not only to desertion by a nonbeliever, but any desertion that cannot be reversed." This implies that the remaining spouse is no longer "bound" to the marriage partner who has deserted the marriage and is, therefore, free to remarry.

There is a third possible reason for divorce that I'm not as confident in upholding, but I do recognize that Paul's language could allow for it.

Abuse, Cruelty, Addiction

When there is a credible threat of injury from one spouse to another or to children, it must be taken seriously and handled in accordance with the law. It should also be reported to civil authorities. A spouse or child should not remain in a dangerous situation that poses the risk of serious injury, death, physical, emotional, or sexual harm, or exploitation by another person. Separation is encouraged to re-establish safety for everyone.

While the Bible does not explicitly mention abuse as an acceptable or required reason for divorce, the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:15 could suggest that there are "cases" or situations where Paul "considered divorce a legitimate possibility not only in cases of desertion by an unbeliever but also in situations that similarly brought extensive and severe damage to the marriage." It is difficult to make such a claim from such a vague reference definitively. Still, we know that physical and sexual abuse is contrary to the law of God and inexcusable in the life of a believer. The damage to the marriage from abuse is seen as harmful and "sufficiently similar to the damage from adultery or desertion," if not worse.

In Malachi 2:14, God uses the metaphor of a broken marriage to confront Judah for being unfaithful and failing to keep her covenant with God. The passage should be interpreted with God's focus on justice in mind. God's criticism toward Judah is similar to being unfaithful to a marriage covenant. Abuse, cruelty, addiction, abandonment, and adultery are detrimental to a marriage, as indicated in Exodus 21:10-11, which groups together material and emotional neglect as an act of cruelty. Divorce is painful and has lasting consequences, and God does not want such pain for us. However, God also does not condone abusive and cruel behavior in marriage.

What you do not see in these three Biblical reasons for divorce is irreconcilable differences or no fault divorce. Those are unbiblical reasons for divorce. If anyone divorces their spouse those reasons, or any other reason outside of adultery, abandonment, abuse (cruelty and addiction), then your divorce is not recognized by the Lord. You also run the risk of committing infidelity by remarrying and making your spouse commit infidelity. That is what Jesus means when he says

Matthew 5:32 ESV

32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Some of you may now have clarity, while others may have more questions. If God hates divorce, does that mean he loves me less because of my divorce? If I got divorced for unbiblical reasons and then remarried, does that mean I am in a state of perpetual infidelity? And if so, should I now divorce my current spouse?"

God hates the sin of divorce, but his love for forgiveness abounds more.

Divorce is a sin that goes against God's desire for you. However, it's important to remember that it is not the unforgivable sin that prevents you from receiving eternal life through Christ. The life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus assure us that all of our sins can be forgiven. His sacrifice is powerful enough to cleanse us of all unrighteousness, including the pain of divorce. It's important to acknowledge the mistake, seek forgiveness, and repent. You may need to ask your former spouse for forgiveness. God willing, he or she will grant it.

Ask the Lord for forgiveness. He will grant it and work to restore you and use you for his kingdom. Remember, you are a new creation. The old has passed, and the new has come. Live in the redemption that Jesus purchased for you. Remember the woman at the well. She had five husbands, yet Jesus gave her living water. She found forgiveness and redemption, and a husband who will never leave or forsake her.

Please keep in mind that even if you have been forgiven and restored, there may still be consequences for your divorce. If you got divorced for reasons not supported by the Bible and have not remarried, the Bible would instruct you to remain single, at least until your former spouse has passed away or has broken the marriage vow through infidelity or sexual immorality. If you have divorced for unbiblical reasons and remarried, do not separate from your current spouse. Keep your current promise.

Stay faithfully married until death.

God takes vows seriously, even ones that should’ve never been made. John Piper notes the story of the Gibeonites in Joshua. They were a people whom God told Joshua to eliminate from the Promised Land in the conquest. The Gibeonites were terrified of Israel and deceived them into thinking they were from another land. In Joshua 9:19, all the congregation leaders swore by the Lord they would not touch them. Israel was foolish to enter this vow because of the deception of the Gibeonites, and they did not consult the Lord. And yet, they were obliged to keep their vow.

Piper notes,

“Now they are keeping the vow they never should have made under horrible circumstances, thus, elevating the importance of promise-keeping or vow-keeping even when it was entered into wrongfully. I am saying that perhaps suggests — I think it does suggest — that a vow you make to a person to be their husband or their wife till death do you part is not something to be taken lightly.” John Piper

Divorce is a sad reality in our world. But thanks be to God He has overcome the world. He sent His Son Jesus Christ to the world to live a righteous life in order to be a perfect sacrifice who would atone for sins like divorce. He received all of God’s wrath in our place on a cross. He was dead three days. God accepted his sacrifice and raised him from the dead. Jesus ascended into heaven where he sits at the right hand of the Father inviting sinners to confess their sin, repent, and receive his forgiveness. For those who reject his offer of salvation, you will perish in hell, paying the full penalty of your sin, but for all who call upon the Lord will be saved.

For those who’ve received Jesus as their Lord and Savior single, married or divorced, or remarried, I leave you this morning with

Four hopeful realities of a Christ…

Christ overcomes your selfish disposition by empowering you to be humble and selfless.

If you are married or remarried, Jesus gives you his heart and mind to love your spouse the way he loves his church. If you are divorced he does the same work in you to help you be humble and selfless toward those in your church, community, and home. Paul says to the Philippians 2:5-8

Philippians 2:5–8 ESV

5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Jesus empowers you with his humility and selfless heart to take up your cross and to be a humble, selfless, faithful servant.

Christ overcomes your inclination to separate by joining you to himself in a one-flesh union marriage.

Paul says to those who are married or remarried, submit, love, and respect one another because we are members of one body, the church, and the church is the Bride of Christ, and Christ is unified to his bride with a one-flesh union that can never be broken (Ephesians 5:22-31). To the divorced and single he promises to be a faithful spouse, to never leave or forsake you, and to join you to himself in a one flesh union. What God has put together in Christ, man cannot separate.

Christ overcomes the kingdom of darkness by transferring you to His kingdom of light.

You are no longer citizens of this world, but you are citizens in heaven. You are right now seated in the heavens where Jesus is King. You are no longer under the rule of Satan’s deception. With the mind of Christ, you can discern the folly of Godless cultural ideologies. Your marriage is capable of enjoying the peace and harmony of heaven. Always keep an eternal perspective on your relationships, especially your marriage, and most when you disagree with your spouse.

Christ overcomes secular humanism with the promise of his return to make all things new and to rule with righteousness and peace.

There is no such thing as secular humanism. It is a lie of the devil. The reality is that Jesus is a risen King who rules right now. He will return to gather his elect and restore all of heaven and earth. He will eliminate the wicked. Satan will be thrown into the lake of fire, and the notion of divorce will go with him. We will live with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Prince of Peace, the Wonderful Counselor, who will reign forever. We will be his bride and enjoy an everlasting marriage to the Lamb. God willing, your spouse and your children will be there hand in hand.

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