Family Honor (BRO!)

Matthew Hunt

Essential Command: Love • Sermon • Submitted 4 months ago • Presented 4 months ago

Romans 12:9–21

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Essential Command: Honor the Family of God.

Last week we teased out the idea of jesus’ invitation into a new community - A Christ-centered collective of love. We were talking about it in a general church sense, that we are invited into a new tribe.

Church is an assembled people for a common purpose - we minister to God and to each other. (Learn more about this in our Basics Course…a revamped course replacing Growth Track.)

Today I want to get more granular and talk about the spiritual relationships we cultivate within the Christ-centered collective. What does it look like?

Relationships are beautifully complex.

This is why church is so essential. But by church, I don't just mean church attendance. Sunday worship is a crucial part of our formation. But while God works through all shapes and sizes and styles of churches, it's usually in the smaller, more relational spaces where we experience the most profound change.

There is a growing body of research from the social sciences that groups relationships into different categories based on group size and the depth of vulnerability. One of the most widely accepted paradigms is from Dr. Robin Dunbar of Oxford. It's called Dunbar's Number.

The Circles of Relationship:

Dr. Robin Dunbar of Oxford identifies four relational categories based on group size:

1. Intimates (1-5 people)

Deeply know and love us as we are.

Essential for bearing our most vulnerable burdens.

Spouse, mentor, best friend

2. Friends (Up to 15 people)

Engage life together, practicing the “one anothers” of the New Testament.

help you move, bring a meal when you ill, share meals, vacation together.

3. Village (Up to 150 people)

Our wider social network; often the size of a local church.

we feel guilty because we don’t have ability to help everyone in this category and feel like we should.

or we feel complete with a pseudo sense of community because we are familiar with so many, we never move into friendship out of our own self-preservation.

4. Tribe

The larger group where we find vision and purpose (e.g., the global church).

Generalized commonality

Our spiritual formation occurs across all four of these categories. Yet our deepest more accelerated formation happens within the context of spiritual friendship and intimate (soul to soul) relationships.

This might be a new paradigm for you. I think that good. We need a mindset renewed to have revelation of this Christ-Centered Collective.

Romans 12:1–2 “1 Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.”

Romans 12:9–21 (CSB) — 9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. 10 Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another. 11 Do not lack diligence in zeal; be fervent in the Spirit; serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer. 13 Share with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud; instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes. 18 If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord. 20 But If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. For in so doing you will be heaping fiery coals on his head. 21 Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.

The biblical framework for rich, life-giving, spiritual friendships within a Christ-Centered Collective: Family & Honor.

Family Love

Love as Brothers & Sisters

Adoption into the Family of God .Through Jesus, we are adopted into the family of God:

God becomes our Father.

Jesus becomes our older brother.

Fellow apprentices become our siblings.

The Apostle Paul emphasizes this metaphor of adoption throughout his letters, using the Greek word Adelphoi (siblings) over 130 times.

Jesus opened his family to all who do God’s will, regardless of ethnicity. This was revolutionary in his ethnocentric world, where bloodlines defined social and religious identity. His vision of a multi-ethnic family of believers—Jews, Gentiles, and people of all nations—challenged societal norms and contributed to his persecution.

When Jesus declared (MT 12.50), “My mother and my brothers are those who do God’s will,” he placed his spiritual family above his biological family. This was unthinkable in a society where familial loyalty was paramount. His teachings on prioritizing the new family of God over DNA ties were both revolutionary and offensive.

It’s offensive cause we turn it into an idol.

family (parents, kids, siblings, grandparents, etc) are a gift from God. When we take Gods gifts but on our own terms in our own context, we contaminate their purity and turn them into idols. We turn to family as our main source of satisfaction and significance.

How many times has your kids schedules gotten in the way of you desire to pursue God and engage in Christ-centered relationships (groups, courses, bible time, etc)?

Business doesn’t change our priorities, it reveals them.

Church is a Christ-centered collective of brothers and sisters living and ministering as a family. Fathers and mothers raising sons and daughters to be fathers and mothers.

take Basics Course 1 & 2

Christ (and the early church) envisioned a community like a healthy and vibrant family. I think of these good characteristics..

A healthy church family shares these traits:

1. Eating Together: Sharing meals, as modeled in the practice of the Lord’s Supper.

2. Shared Life with Each Other: Spending time as a community.

3. Loving Accountability: Addressing issues within the community, including discipline when necessary.

4. Sharing Resources and Responsibilities: Supporting one another practically and spiritually.

5. Bearing Burdens: Helping each other through challenges.

6. Making Decisions Together: Practicing discernment as a community.

7. Faithfulness Until Death: Staying committed to each other through life’s ups and downs.

Healthy Honor

if family is the imaginative context, then honor is the application and attitude of that dynamic.

LEAD THE WAY to Honor (not shame) each other.

honor seems to be positive side or redeemed side of shame. (Mark 8:38)

The Greek word Paul uses, timē, denotes value, worth, or price. To honor someone is to assign value to them and recognize their contribution.

Honor involves acknowledging someone's intrinsic value (glory) and reflecting it back in word and action.

For example:

Worship honors God.

Honor among believers fosters respect and gratitude within the community.

Honor is the grid through which the NT talks about rich spiritual relationships in the Kingdom. Characteristics like:

Mutual respect: Treating everyone as invaluable.

Generosity: Seeing and contributing to the good in others.

Acknowledgment: Affirming contributions.

Practical Examples from Scripture

Parents: Honor your father and mother (Exodus 20:12).

Spouses: Husbands honor your wives (1 Peter 3:7).

Leaders: Honor governing authorities (Romans 13:1-7).

Spiritual Leaders: Double honor to Elders who lead well & teach God’s word (1 Timothy 5:17)

Masters/Employers: Slaves, honor your masters (1 Timothy 6:1).

When we fail to live with honor, we treat as common place. When we treat as common place, we eventually treat them with contempt.

Contempt reduces others’ value, fueling entitlement, resentment, and division.

This dishonor manifests in various ways: gossip, criticism, devaluing and labeling. That all produces separation, shame, hypocrisy, and evil.

Now let me bring it all together.

Healing and renewal occurs the longer we are planted and engaged in Spiritual relationships with family love and healthy honor.

Spiritual Friendships are essential.

They are built on family love and healthy honor.

You can’t follow Jesus alone. Not just you shouldn’t—you can’t. Spiritual formation is a relational process at its core. You will not experience the formation into a person of love by yourself.

Dr. Joseph Hellerman says:

Spiritual formation occurs primarily in the context of community. Long-term interpersonal relationships are the crucible of genuine progress in the Christian life. People who stay grow. People who leave do not grow.

For years, we have had Connect Groups at Faith. And the primary focus has been cultivating social friendships that had a little biblical conversations.

The scorecard for me as pastor was how many people were in a group. I felt like that was the win and the primary environment for discipleship. So inwardly, i wanted 110 percent participation in groups. So whatever group you wanted to start - go for it.

That is not our target anymore, especially with groups. That began to shift early 2020 within me. Without focus on health a mutual understanding of commitment in these groups, you create just another christianized activity - people felt good about going but rarely were growing into people of love. People were familiar, just not becoming family. People friendly and social.

Social Friendship are marked by :

chemistry of personality

common interests (books, hobby, art, etc)

shared context (work, school, gym, team, stage of life)

personal value received

I discovered not all social friendships are spiritual. But all spiritual friendship are social.

Groups are place where we care for each other and challenge each other to live a consecrated life of love toward God and others.

David Brooks in his manifesto defines community as “love-drenched accountability.” Which is at the root of Spiritual Friendships

We started to examine and ask - what is making a group healthy? What does scripture command of us in relationships?

ongoing..not semesters

made room for others

studies scripture more than pursued hobbies or study interested topics

cared, prayed, and communicated consistently

the cultivated a spiritual friendship first, followed by social friendships

Spiritual friendships are marked by:

Depth.

Conversations go beyond surface-level topics to include our life with God, pain, suffering, dreams, passions, and growth.

surface toward ongoing depth

Vulnerability

Sharing both strengths and weaknesses through confession and listening.

willingness to ask for help or to understand something you’re ashamed you don’t know.

Commitment to Transformation

A shared vow to lifelong spiritual growth and accountability.

ongoing nature to our progress, together.

If all you have is vulnerability—where it’s a safe place to share who you are, with compassion, empathy, and solidarity—but no accountability to call you to the way of Jesus, then there’s no change.

On the flip side, if all you have is accountability but no vulnerability—where it’s all about calling people out (“Oh, you watched an R-rated movie? Drop down and give me 50, brother!”)—then there’s no depth.

Without vulnerability, we only share selectively. We never go to the deep wound inside of us, and without that, we don’t change.

What if the “good, pleasing, and perfect will of God” has to do with loving each other so the world realizes it? That we’d become distinct and compelling alternative to relationships of culture?

__________________________________________________________

Talk it Over (being honest & open with friends, a spouse, or your Group)

The message was about cultivating spiritual friendships that operate on family love and healthy honor. What is one idea from Sunday’s message that impacted you?

Read Romans 12:9-21. What does this passage reveal about God? What are some other things you observe in the text?

How can we ensure that our interactions in the church reflect the idea of family love?

Read Matthew 12:50. What do you think Jesus is NOT saying? What IS He emphasizing?

Read Luke 4:20-24 and Mark 6:1-6. These two acounts are the same story but from differing vantage points. What was the result the community’s contempt? What else is of note in these passages?

What characteristics define healthy honor according to the sermon?

In what ways can you ensure your friendships reflect healthy honor rather than shame?

How can we cultivate deeper spiritual friendships that go beyond superficial relationships?

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