Love That Lasts
Notes
Transcript
Handout
Ephesians 5:25-33
If you’ve ever walked through the greeting card aisle before Valentine’s Day, you know our world is obsessed with love.
You’ll find every kind of sentiment—sappy, sweet, sarcastic, and everything in between.
But if you stopped to ask people what love really is, you’d probably get a hundred different answers.
Some think it’s a feeling. Others say it’s chemistry. Some call it a choice.
In many ways, love has become one of the most confused and cheapened words in our vocabulary.
But when we open the Bible, we find a completely different kind of love—a love that doesn’t shift with emotions, doesn’t crumble in hard times, and doesn’t quit when it’s inconvenient.
It’s a love that gives instead of takes, that serves instead of demands.
It’s the kind of love Jesus showed us—and it’s the kind of love He calls husbands to show their wives.
This morning, we’re beginning a brand-new series called “Building a Christian Home.”
We’re going to take a fresh look at what it means to honor Christ in our homes.
This series isn’t just for married couples—it’s for every person who wants to build their life and their relationships on the foundation of God’s Word.
Whether you’re married, single, widowed, or somewhere in between, the truths we’ll explore over the next few weeks will help you better understand God’s plan for the family—and how each of us can reflect Christ more clearly in our homes.
Today’s message focuses on the heart of the home—love.
Not the Hollywood kind.
Not the self-serving kind.
But the sacrificial, Christlike love that sustains a marriage and reflects the gospel.
Years ago, a Christian counselor asked a struggling couple, “Tell me about your love for each other.”
The husband folded his arms and said, “I told her I loved her the day we got married. If I ever change my mind, I’ll let her know.”
Now that may sound funny—but too many marriages operate like that.
Love isn’t something we said once—it’s something we show every day.
In Ephesians 5, God gives us a powerful picture of what love in marriage is supposed to look like.
And it doesn’t begin with the world’s ideas—it begins with Christ.
Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
That’s not casual love.
That’s cross-shaped love.
It’s deep, daily, and deliberate.
And when that kind of love fills the home, it changes everything.
So let’s dive into the text together and discover what it means to love like Christ.
I. Christlike Love Is Sacrificial
I. Christlike Love Is Sacrificial
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Paul doesn’t start with roles or rights—he starts with love.
And not just any kind of love—sacrificial love.
He holds up the highest standard possible: “as Christ also loved the church…”
That means the example we follow as husbands isn’t the culture, isn’t our parents, and definitely isn’t what we see on TV.
It’s Jesus.
A. A Pattern of Sacrifice
A. A Pattern of Sacrifice
Jesus loved the church by giving up everything for her.
He didn’t just send encouragement from a distance—He stepped into our mess and gave His life.
13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
He sacrificed comfort.
He sacrificed status.
He sacrificed His rights.
And ultimately, He sacrificed His life.
That’s not the world’s version of love.
That’s heaven’s version of love.
But Jesus’ love doesn’t change.
It doesn’t depend on mood, or performance, or convenience.
It was steady in Gethsemane.
It was firm at the whipping post.
It was strong on the cross.
Imagine a groom standing at the altar, and instead of just putting a ring on his bride’s finger, he places a crown of thorns on his own head and says, “I do… even if it costs Me everything.”
That’s what Christ did for His bride—the church.
And that’s what Paul is calling husbands to.
We’re not called to dominate our wives—we’re called to die for them.
That means dying to selfishness.
Dying to pride.
Dying to the attitude that says, “What about me?”
That’s the sacrificial love Jesus showed—and it’s the kind of love that sustains a godly home.
B. A Practice of Selflessness
B. A Practice of Selflessness
Sacrifice isn’t just about dying for your wife—it’s about living for her.
It’s daily choices:
Helping with the dishes even when you’re tired.
Listening when you’d rather watch the game.
Choosing kind words when you’re frustrated.
Taking initiative to meet her needs instead of waiting to be asked.
This kind of love shows up in small, unseen acts.
3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
It’s not about losing your identity—it’s about reflecting Christ.
And when a husband models that kind of love, the home becomes a sanctuary of grace.
A little boy was asked to define love. He said, “Love is when your daddy gives mommy the best piece of chicken, even though he really wanted it.”
That’s pretty accurate. It’s the little, daily sacrifices that add up over a lifetime.
C. A Picture of the Gospel
C. A Picture of the Gospel
Ultimately, sacrificial love in marriage is meant to point beyond itself—to Jesus.
When people see how a husband loves his wife, they should get a clearer picture of how Christ loves us.
35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
In other words, your love preaches—even when you’re not in the pulpit.
Let’s be honest: this is a high calling.
We’re going to fail.
We’re going to fall short.
But we don’t love in our own strength—we love in Christ’s strength.
Ask yourself, men:
What does my wife need from me that I’ve been withholding?
What would it look like to love her like Christ this week?
Am I willing to put her first—not just in word, but in action?
II. Christlike Love Is Sanctifying
II. Christlike Love Is Sanctifying
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
When Paul talks about Christ’s love for the church, he doesn’t just stop at the cross.
He moves forward into what that love does—it purifies, it cleanses, it grows.
Christ didn’t just die to save the church—He died to sanctify it.
To make it holy.
To shape it into something beautiful.
That gives us another layer to the love husbands are called to:
Christlike love doesn’t just sacrifice—it sanctifies.
A. A Call to Spiritual Leadership
A. A Call to Spiritual Leadership
Jesus leads His bride spiritually.
And husbands, that means we’re not just called to be providers—we’re called to be pastors in our homes.
That doesn’t mean preaching sermons—it means pointing your family to Jesus by the way you live, love, and lead.
15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
A godly husband is someone who says, “If my home doesn’t reflect Christ, the change starts with me.”
You don’t have to be a Bible scholar, but you do need to be spiritually intentional.
Someone once asked a Christian woman, “What’s it like to be married to your husband?”
She said, “It’s like being married to Jesus in work boots.
He prays with me, he’s patient when I fail, and he takes our family’s walk with God seriously.”
That’s the goal—not perfection, but direction.
And it starts with being washed by the Word ourselves.
We can’t lead our families where we’re not willing to go.
“Before you lead your home to the altar, make sure you’ve knelt before it.” — Unknown
B. A Commitment to Growth
B. A Commitment to Growth
Christ’s goal is to present His church glorious—without spot or wrinkle.
That means He is actively working in us to make us more holy, more joyful, more like Him.
In marriage, that means we’re not just enduring each other’s faults—we’re helping each other grow in Christ.
It’s not about pointing fingers. It’s about linking arms and walking together toward Jesus.
9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
Love says, “I won’t give up on you. I’m in this with you. Let’s grow together.”
And husbands, your leadership helps create the environment where your wife—and your children—can thrive spiritually.
There’s a story told of a farmer who bought a piece of neglected land.
Weeds were everywhere, the fence was broken, and the house was falling apart.
He worked that land day and night.
Planted, watered, repaired, and restored.
A few years later, a neighbor said, “Wow! The Lord sure gave you a beautiful farm.”
The farmer smiled and said, “He did—but you should’ve seen it when He had it all to Himself.”
Now of course that’s a joke.
God gets the glory.
But there’s a truth there—partnership.
God works through us.
And in marriage, He’s given the husband the role of nurturing and encouraging that spiritual growth—not by force, but through faithful love and leadership.
C. A Climate of Grace
C. A Climate of Grace
Some husbands say, “I just want a Proverbs 31 woman!”
But the question is—are you creating the kind of environment where a Proverbs 31 woman can grow?
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praiseth her.
That kind of praise and blessing grows in a home where Christlike love is the soil.
Husbands, when you model grace, humility, and integrity, it makes it easier for your family to do the same.
And when both spouses pursue Jesus first, the marriage becomes a reflection of His sanctifying love.
Am I leading my home spiritually or just managing the schedule?
Do I pray with and for my wife regularly?
What can I do this week to help my spouse grow in her walk with Christ?
III. Christlike Love Is Self-Aware
III. Christlike Love Is Self-Aware
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
Paul is drawing from something we all know instinctively: people take care of themselves.
We eat when we’re hungry.
We bundle up when it’s cold.
We pull our hand back from the fire.
We don’t need a class in self-preservation—we’re all experts.
And Paul says: That’s how you ought to love your wife.
When you care for your wife, you’re not just doing something for her—you’re doing something for both of you.
Because in God’s eyes, marriage isn’t a partnership of two individuals—it’s a union of one flesh.
A. A Picture of Oneness
A. A Picture of Oneness
Paul is pointing back to Genesis 2:24—“the two shall become one flesh.”
Marriage is a union—body, soul, and spirit.
So to neglect your wife is to neglect yourself.
To be harsh with your wife is to damage your own heart.
To build her up is to build up your own home.
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
That’s serious.
God says, “How you treat your wife affects how I hear your prayers.”
In other words, spiritual health and relational health are connected.
A man who walks with God will love his wife deeply.
And a man who mistreats his wife will find spiritual dryness creeping in.
Think of it like driving a car with a wobbly wheel.
You might still get down the road, but eventually, it’s going to wear down the whole vehicle.
Marriage is designed to work in harmony. When one part is neglected, the whole union suffers.
So husbands, ask yourself:
Do I see my wife’s burdens as our burdens?
Do I feel her hurts like I would my own?
That’s not weakness. That’s Christlike awareness.
B. A Priority of Nourishing and Cherishing
B. A Priority of Nourishing and Cherishing
Paul says men should “nourish and cherish” their wives.
Those are tender words.
To nourish means to feed, develop, and strengthen.
To cherish means to care for with warmth and affection—to treasure.
Jesus does this for His church.
He doesn’t just save us and walk away.
He sustains us.
He carries us.
He hears our prayers.
He meets our needs.
That’s the model.
And it’s not just about paying the bills or mowing the lawn.
It’s about knowing your wife.
What encourages her?
What drains her?
What helps her thrive?
“Most men will spend hours learning about their favorite hobby—but few take the same time to learn about their wife.” — Unknown
There’s a story of a young husband who said, “I just don’t get it. I work hard, I provide, I never cheat—what more does she want?”
The older man replied, “That’s what a refrigerator does. It’s cold, reliable, and always stocked.
But a wife doesn’t need a refrigerator—she needs a husband who sees her, hears her, and cherishes her.”
We’re not called to be roommates.
We’re called to be reflections of Christ’s tender, nurturing care.
That’s what love looks like.
C. A Reflection of Christ’s Care
C. A Reflection of Christ’s Care
Paul says Christ cherishes the church because we are His body.
He doesn’t just love us from duty—He loves us from identity.
And the same is true in marriage.
When we live out this truth, our homes become places of healing, not hostility.
Of grace, not tension.
Of cherishing, not criticizing.
Charles Spurgeon once said that when he was sick, his wife would read Scripture to him and pray over him daily.
He said, “Next to Christ, she is the best gift God ever gave me.”
He didn’t just love her in theory—he nourished her with truth and cherished her with affection.
Do I treat my wife as part of myself—or as someone separate from me?
In what ways am I nourishing her emotionally, spiritually, and relationally?
When was the last time I cherished her—not just with gifts, but with grace?
IV. Christlike Love Is Symbolic
IV. Christlike Love Is Symbolic
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Paul takes a step back here and zooms out.
He’s not just talking about love anymore—he’s talking about what marriage itself is meant to represent.
Marriage is not just a social contract.
It’s not just a romantic partnership.
It’s a sacred picture of something far greater: the relationship between Christ and His church.
That means your marriage is bigger than you.
It’s a living, breathing illustration of the gospel.
A. A Divine Design
A. A Divine Design
From the very beginning, God designed marriage to preach something eternal.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Paul quotes this verse in Ephesians to show that marriage wasn’t man’s idea—it was God’s.
And it was never meant to be temporary or transactional.
It was meant to reflect the unbreakable covenant love between Christ and His people.
When a husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church, and a wife respects and honors her husband, the world sees a glimpse of divine truth:
A Savior who leads with love.
A bride who follows with faith.
A union sealed not by law, but by love and grace.
“Marriage is not just about your happiness. It’s about your holiness—and about showing the world who Jesus is.” – Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage
Think of marriage like a stained-glass window in a cathedral.
From the outside, it may just look like colored glass. But when the light shines through, it tells a story.
That’s what Christian marriage does—it tells the gospel story, when the light of Christ shines through our love and unity.
B. A Daily Demonstration
B. A Daily Demonstration
Paul calls this a great mystery—not because it’s confusing, but because it’s profound.
Every day, our actions in marriage either reflect Christ—or distort Him.
That means marriage is a form of ministry.
It’s not just for us.
It’s for those watching us.
Your kids are watching.
Your friends and neighbors are watching.
Your church is watching.
And ultimately, God is using your marriage as part of His plan to make the gospel visible in a broken world.
That’s why Satan fights marriages so fiercely.
Because every healthy, Christ-centered marriage is a threat to his lies.
2 Ye are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read of all men:
3 Forasmuch as ye are manifestly declared to be the epistle of Christ ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart.
In other words, your life preaches.
And in marriage, your love preaches too.
C. A Dual Responsibility
C. A Dual Responsibility
Paul wraps up this section with a simple but powerful instruction:
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Two sides.
One beautiful picture.
Husbands: Love her with your life.
Wives: Respect him with your heart.
These roles are not about value—but about function.
God designed them to work together in harmony—just like Christ and the church.
And when each person embraces their role with humility and grace, the home becomes a beacon of hope and truth in a dark world.
It’s like a dance—two partners moving in sync.
If one refuses to follow the rhythm, the dance stumbles.
But when both follow the music, it becomes something beautiful.
What does my marriage say to others about the love of Christ?
Am I embracing my God-given role with joy or resisting it out of pride?
Is there something in my marriage that needs to be reshaped to better reflect Christ and His church?
So we’ve seen that Christlike love is sacrificial, sanctifying, self-aware, and symbolic.
But this kind of love doesn’t come naturally.
It comes from knowing Jesus.
Walking with Him.
Leaning on His grace—daily.
Conclusion
Conclusion
If there’s one word that captures what marriage was meant to be, it’s this: reflection.
Not just a reflection of your love story…
Not even of your compatibility or your communication skills…
But a reflection of Christ’s love for His church.
That’s what makes this passage so profound.
It’s not a checklist—it’s a calling.
It’s not a suggestion—it’s a sacred pattern.
Christlike love is:
Sacrificial – it lays down self to lift up another.
Sanctifying – it helps your spouse grow in grace and truth.
Self-aware – it nurtures and cherishes with tenderness and care.
Symbolic – it points the world to a greater love, a heavenly love, a redeeming love.
That kind of love doesn’t come from culture.
It doesn’t come from Hollywood.
It comes from Calvary.
It starts when a husband says, “I will love her like Jesus loves me.”
And when a wife says, “I will honor him as unto the Lord.”
It flourishes when both realize, our marriage is not just about us—it’s about Christ in us.
And friend, if your marriage has been struggling, or if you feel like this kind of love is out of reach…
Can I remind you of something?
Jesus specializes in resurrection.
He brings dead things back to life—including love that’s gone cold.
“A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” — Ruth Bell Graham
You don’t need a perfect past to have a Christlike marriage.
You need a humble heart and a willing spirit.
You need to come to the cross—again and again—and say, “Lord, teach me to love like You.”
In the early 1900s, a famous pastor named Dr. G. Campbell Morgan often spoke about the love he had for his wife.
After one of his services, someone asked Mrs. Morgan, “Does your husband love you as much as he says he does in the pulpit?”
She smiled and said, “He loves me more at home than he preaches in public.”
That’s the goal, isn’t it?
Not just to talk about love on Sunday—but to live it on Monday.
To love our spouses in such a way that Christ is glorified not just in our words, but in our homes.
Husbands—start with the cross.
Let Christ’s love reshape how you lead, how you serve, and how you speak.
Wives—look to Christ too.
Let His grace empower you to walk in honor, support, and strength.
Young people—don’t settle for the world’s version of love.
Wait on God’s design.
Seek His will.
Build your future on Christ.
And all of us—married or not—let’s commit to building homes that look like Jesus lives there.
Because when Christ is the cornerstone of the home…
Love doesn’t just survive—it shines.
